凌乱

今天又凌乱了一下，一个前辈同事说他在28岁的时候像我这样可以自己lead project，说的很羡慕，后来我想我工作一年以后其实已经有自己的项目做，而且是公司里的most efficient designer, 这就是为什么当年conference唯一的一个名额给了我，是我自己贱，在那个时候离开了tdc，同时也miss了这个机会。但现在回想起来，lead project好像没有很exciting，也没有觉得很proud，最开心的时候其实是去工地考察，辛苦了一天以后吃一顿牛排然后倒头就睡，倒觉得那样很充实。还有就好象是在有新问题出来的时候，能够以最快的时间去适应，学到新的技术，这也让我觉得很充实。

小游记

其实这份信是写给我的一个朋友的，写着写着觉得好感动，就把它po上来。似乎这次是带有感情的，之前写文章好像更多的是记事为主。

我从南非安全回来啦，这次旅行非常棒，导游和司机都很专业，懂得很多当地的文化，一路上也很照顾我。这次去南非圆了一个我看狮子王的梦，在namibia 沙漠露营，晚上看着从未见过的满天星和银河感动到差点哭，早上醒来帐篷被大风整整挪了一米多搞得我哭笑不得，顶着大风一步一步爬上了dune，觉得自己好像什么都不用怕了。在Etosha national park和狮子的零距离接触，看大象小象一家人的mud bath，嬉闹成群，感觉他们就像是生活在天堂。在南非看到了happy feet的south African 企鹅，懒洋洋的躺在大西洋海岸晒太阳。回来的路上又去伦敦逛了一圈，和Namibia截然相反，一个实历史悠久的权力之都，一个是远离喧嚣的大自然，各有特色。

照片见 https://www.flickr.com/gp/26386463@N05/ZfWt4X

定了圣诞节回国的机票了，这次买的最便宜，打完折才$990，开心，哈哈。省下来的钱可以去旅游啦，哈哈。

my first full 18-hole course!

did a full 18 hole course for the first time today! so excited and tired. lots of walking but fun. learnt how to use driver, i'm so used to iron 8 since that's the only club i have and i use that for driving range a lot. most of the balls were consistently going to the right. need to turn my wrist more.

overall, it was a good four hr play.

what do i like about myself

i had a 45 mins consultation with Amebe today, she was very patient and a good listener. i actually enjoyed talking to her and i felt like i had so much to talk about. i just want to tell her everything and ask her to offer one simple solution about all the problems i have! haha, so greedy.

she suggested to write down one thing i like about myself or i am proud of myself everyday. by talking to her, i realized i need validation, i'm happy when i see progress. i am comparing myself to other ppl and that's reason i am not happy sometimes. it's better to compare to myself, which i have been doing for a while.

im proud of learning something new today at work,
im proud of getting to know ppl through sports

what's your life goal?

i want to have someone to travel with around the world. but my friend told me if i reply on another person, i will get disappointed.
i want to have a happy family, someone that i will be very comfortable with, whatever i do, he will think it's part of me. whatever i say, he understands that i do not mean to hurt. wow, that must takes lots of communications in the beginning. so the willingness to stay together is very important.

i should think of something that is not dependent on other ppl too much, so i can enjoy it whenever, like cooking, photography, sports, etc. talking to myself is sometimes fun,

smile, the worst is yet to come.

you are beautiful. stay curious, stay foolish.

好害怕 会一个人老去

突然好害怕会一个人老去
一个人看电影
一个人吃饭
一个人拼拼图
一个人听音乐

会慢慢习惯一个人做所有的事情吧
习惯了在别人面前撑起微笑，不管是什么事情，不管自己是否开心，是漠然，是不关心，是冷漠

如果真的有那么一个人会陪我走一辈子，那么请你快点出现吧，我想要和你多呆几分钟。我不想要再浪费时间找你等你了。

真没用啊，这么脆弱，这么笨蛋

life is a journey

life is a journey
people come, people go

i shall grab the one i like and not let them go.

appreciate the life, appreciate what i have


周日听闻阿姨讲她过去的风云事迹，心生敬佩，她是永远把客户利益放在第一位，不顾自己的利益健康，甚至于牺牲自己的家庭为代价，事业心之强，越有困难，她越觉得有意思。社交能力之强，说话很有水平，出世之道，令人佩服。但又不求回报，只要稍对她好一些，她都会感激在心。事业上的成就对她来说是最大的肯定。对小孩有愧疚感，所以就更拼命的工作，想要用金钱去弥补对孩子们的亏欠。但事实上，没有感情的时候，拿钱去补，似乎是件需要很多很多倍的钱才可以补上一点点。我以后有孩子了，一定要家庭工作两头照顾，失去其中一个都不好。